rivalsweetscent | 000// Phone Post-O

[It took Vinnie a long time before he finally gave in and contacted someone, and by then he was well off campus. Bulba... understood. He knew he did. But the Venusaur had no idea what he wanted to feel, much less how he wanted to be comforted.

He just. Had to tell someone. In three words:]

red forgot agian

[He'd been heading towards the green house, having his vague worries put more or less to rest by Jolt. Fishing his phone out was a challenge, but once he did he blinked at the screen. Vinnie. He didn't think much of it when he clicked the button, since it was probably just telling him what he already knew.

He stopped dead in his tracks. One more time, he was torn by which direction to walk in. He squeezed his hand tight around the phone and started walking faster.

The Venusaur had actually said something.]

where are you

[There was a good ten minutes before a reply arrived.]

montains

[STARING...]

/which mountain/

the... dunno. dont no ther names.

. . . what is your mountain closest to

[Hesitation reared its head again. No, this was a mistake. Bulba couldn't help.]

forget it

no

i need 2 break somthing

bye

vinnie

vinnie you better be on this mountain

[Is it the mountain shaking with the sounds of rocks being shattered by Bulldoze? Then that just MIGHT BE YOUR MAN.]

[What little wildlife was left on this particular mountain seemed to keep SCATTERING probably because of some RUMBLES and CRUMBLES. Bulba had a good feeling about this mountain. Hike hike hike.]

[Watch out for the rocks that would come tumbling down the edge of the cliff. They were mostly small trickles, but sometimes a wave of dust and airborne soil would rush past from this particular spot on the mountain.

By the time Bulba reached it, the ground had been paved perfectly flat. Vinnie was there, coated thoroughly in dirt and sitting, hunched over, in the middle of the plateau.]

[Bulba would press himself back and wait for the waves and trembles of the mountain to briefly subside before he pressed forward again. It made the process of climbing up to find Vinnie slow and took much more time than he would have anticipated.

When he did find him, he didn't say anything. He didn't know what he could possibly say that would help. He understood that pain all too well, and he knew there really wasn't anything truly for it. Not now. Maybe later, when life had kept going with or without him paying attention.

But what had helped him, at least a little bit, was... him. It was Vinnie, and it was the warmth he had lent and the knowledge that he was there and that he knew him.

Bulba wasn't sure if that would help the Venusaur at all, but he wouldn't know if he didn't try.

Still without a word, Bulba knelt behind him in the middle of the paved ground. He wrapped his arms around him, holding him as he pressed his cheek against his dirty back and tried to make the mountain seem that much sweeter.]

[Vinnie didn't move, he didn't say a word. There was only a slight pause in his breathing as Bulba hugged him, before sinking back into its slow, brooding rhythm.

Even bathed in the Ivysaur's scent, there was little sign that it was doing anything for the Venusaur. He continued to stare into the dirt, his eyes filled only with sullen loathing.

He'd already emptied his rage into the mountain, and now there was simply an empty hole in his chest, devoid of meaning. As much as he wanted to hate, who was he supposed to blame? Everything, even his soul felt tired.

Eventually, in a low, hoarse voice, he managed to mutter, "What's the point...?" before weakly trailing off into self-doubt.

Of being here. Of getting stronger. Of trying to work so hard, all the time. Of anything.

He could only hold him tighter, spreading his hands across his chest as if to try and hold more of him. The fear that if he let him go, the Venusaur would just vanish struck suddenly and sat as an uncomfortable, very real weight in his chest. He didn't know what to say. It felt like something needed to be said but he couldn't find the words to try and curb the helplessness of the situation.

It seemed like it should have been fine if Red remembered who his pokemon at least. Bulba knew better though. So much had happened, and Vinnie had gone through so much to come back from it... having his efforts torn right from his hands must have been so much worse.

He shut his eyes, rubbing his cheek against his back.

"I don't know," he finally admitted in a sad, quiet whisper.

Now that the gate was opened, Vinnie's words - shaking and unsure though they were - began to fall more freely. "Did anything have a point? Why..."

There was a cracking in his already rough voice, and it felt like hearing his heart audibly crumble. He took a gulp of breath to compose himself, at least long enough to finish another sentence.

"Why am I even here? What fuckin' good have I..." Another heaving breath, and he squeezed his eyes shut. Vinnie hung his head, with the weight of defeat pressing down on him.

In a low hiss, he finished, "...have I ever done in this shitty place?"

Edited 2012-12-21 10:53 (UTC)

Just listening was placing his heart in a horrible vice. Each thought squeezed it tighter and made the pain that much more real. Bulba's hands moved nervously, as if they'd physically be able to hold together the pieces of Vinnie's breaking heart. This wasn't right at all.

"More than you know," Bulba insisted earnestly.

"You've done so much," he continued as he tried to swallow the tremble out of his voice. "A-at least for me... I know its selfish but I... I'm so happy you're here..."

The Ivysaur turned his head, pressing his forehead against Vinnie's back. He could feel some of the warmth beneath him, knowing his flower was just there. Was it possible for it to hear him this way, he wondered idly. "You've helped people get stronger, and you've given them hope and... you were there for them..." Bulba opened his eyes and stared at the fabric of Vinnie's clothes, and he did the best he could to try and make things as sweet as possible. He was still just an Ivysaur with a ripped petal. It frustrated him.

"I... If you weren't here I'd... probably still hate myself and... It doesn't mean a whole lot but..."

"It does to me."

Bulba's words fluttered in his chest like the faint echoes of reassurances the Venusaur had once given out. Being here's enough. That's what he told Red once, during a moment of doubt. It should've applied, and yet the taste of it now on his tongue felt dry and dead.

Even if he was a broken excuse for a Venusaur, and even if Bulba would never really see him as family, he still meant something to the Ivysaur, somehow. What little he was capable of doing... was that enough?

Maybe it was the way things should be, that he should help others and have nothing left for himself. That was the trade off.

Vinnie's eyes opened slowly, though they were still trained on the dirt. "Tell me..."

There was a pause. He raised his head an inch, as though bracing himself for a comforting lie.

"...Tell me it was worth it."

Bulba shut his eyes again. Maybe if he could just... find that feeling again, that one deep inside. It was the one that felt a little like sunshine if he had to put a name to it, and the one he had tried to find that time so long ago. He didn't know if it would work, or if the pink blossom hiding beneath him would hear it, but... Bulba's fingers curled tightly in Vinnie's hoodie.

Please don't let him fall, he tried to say to anything that could listen. Please don't let him crumble.

"It was worth it," Bulba said firmly, as if he believed it. He had to. All the shit they had been through had to be worth it otherwise why else would they even... be...

Please.

"Don't look back."

Edited 2012-12-22 02:19 (UTC)

At the addendum, Vinnie raised his head. It was hard to say whether it was simply the memory of old resolve that was stirred right then, or the Ivysaur's silent, desperate pleas that had carried through to his core. Either way, he felt the weak flutter of courage somewhere deep in his aching chest.

He had wanted to move forward. He didn't want to doubt himself anymore - that's what he told himself, months ago. If this was the path he was set upon, then there was no use clinging to the past.

Even if Red...

No. It was never just for his trainer's sake. Vinnie needed to be strong for himself, and all the things he wanted to protect. Even if Red could never give him validation, even if he couldn't remember the last time he was really happy, even if he didn't have enough hope to light his way to the end of the path, it... just had to be this way. Right?

There was no other path left to him. But god, everything hurt.

"Don't... look back," he echoed, though his conviction was still wounded. It was impossible to meet Bulba's face when he was behind him, so the Venusaur turned his gaze over at the mountain's view instead. Though he hadn't climbed too high, the forest was still visible from above, with the campus not too far in the distance and the city a sliver of civilization against the horizon.

After a stretch of silence, there was a frail, pained "Thanks."

Edited 2012-12-22 03:39 (UTC)

The Ivysaur let out a soft, shivery sigh and relaxed against Vinnie's form. Even if he hadn't touched anything- and he still wasn't sure that he had- trying had been an effort. Even if it hadn't been much, he still felt a little tired. But the important part was that it no longer felt so vital to keep Vinnie rooted- even if Bulba's hold loosened, Vinnie would not crumble down the mountain cliff. His hands slipped from his chest to rest loosely in his lap.

Bulba didn't say anything, just turned his cheek to Vinnie's back again and nodded. For a while, he stayed like that with Vinnie looking out over the mountain and Bulba just quietly holding him.

But eventually the Ivysaur's knees cried out in protest, and he could feel the tingles threatening to overcome his feet. He huffed to himself and reluctantly pulled away. The distance was closed another way, though, as Bulba quietly took a seat besides the Venusaur and looked out over the surroundings with him.

"... You don't have to move forward on your own, okay?"

Vinnie didn't say anything. Even when Bulba moved himself, he was so focused on the view that he barely reacted. The winter weather had settled in briskly enough that he could almost pretend he was back on Mt. Silver - it helped that he wasn't wearing a proper coat, either. Perhaps it wasn't enough to really bring him peace, but it was a comfortable illusion.

What he needed, however, was not nostalgia, but clarity. A cold that took away his distractions. Reminded him of what he had, and what was important.

The Venusaur sighed, letting the breath leave him in a stream of mist. He closed his eyes again, sifting through the images in his head. There was no use in focusing on something that only set him back and made him ache.

Right now, he had Bulba to share in the chilled mountain air. Bulba was important. He wasn't alone.

Repeating this to himself inwardly, Vinnie rested his head on the Ivysaur's shoulder, nuzzling his face into the warm crook of his neck. There was a mild desperation in the way he sought the other's scent against his bare skin - as though the airborne aroma simply wasn't enough.

Perhaps it wasn't. Sometimes, he needed the contact, to share another's presence against his face. And for once, he let himself lean on Bulba.

Bulba's eyes widened at the contact, and a flutter blossomed in his chest. This was... not how things usually went. But this was all right. Bulba knew what to do with this, even if the desperation in the motions alarmed him. If it was anyone else, the reverse of their usual situations might have been more unnerving. With Vinnie, he could only be grateful that there was something Bulba could do for him in return for all of the times it had been himself seeking comfort from the Venusaur's warmth.

The Ivysaur dipped his head against him, silently nuzzling the crown of his hair. A soft touch, something that might have been a kiss or simply just a touch of his lips to green as he offered more of his scent to him however he could.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, there was a small hope that the Venusaur wouldn't notice the race of his pulse.

His hand sought out the other's in the still quiet. His fingers curved around his, lending what little warmth he had in the cold to him. If all he could really do for him was be there for him, then he would do that. He'd do it as much as he could. If Vinnie let himself lean on Bulba, then Bulba would stay there as long as he needed.

Vinnie's fingers squeezed back, unquestioningly accepting whatever comfort was offered. His breathing eased into a calm, slow tempo, each intake saturating his senses with as much aroma as he could manage. Everything felt still - time was something that happened in other places, not here. He would've happily stayed like this in the remote cold forever, if it meant he could escape the inevitable pain of rejoining civilization.

It couldn't last, of course - Bulba wouldn't be here for him forever. The Ivysaur would always have other obligations that came first - he would always tend to Green first, and Char, or Jolt. That was just how things were, the blood and the heart. They were masters of neither.

This? This was Vinnie allowing himself a lie. And for the moment, he didn't care. If no other comfort worked - things will get better, you'll get stronger - then what else was he supposed to do?

Friend and kin, but not family. And Vinnie simply couldn't tell Bulba that he wished it was something more. What exactly, he hadn't the word for it. But considering the history of their teams, it was better for it to go unasked than misunderstood.

Sometimes he wondered if the Ivysaur wanted the same. No matter how he looked at it, though, it felt selfish. Couldn't last.

Vinnie's body sagged a little against him, discouraged. In a low murmur, he muttered into the collar of the other saur's sweater. "Bulba, if...

A beat. Several beats.

"Your heart's going really fast."

Edited 2012-12-22 09:38 (UTC)

oh look red's back

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