[So blunt it actually kind of hurts to say it -- a dull impact, like some invisible weight dropping onto him. He falters for a bit, sorely tempted to fall back into his old, avoidant ways. But after a moment, he's talking again, feigning fascination in something over in the window.]
I kept losin' and losin', so Aiden stuck me in the daycare over by Cerulean. I was so far behind the rest of the team that he didn't think I'd keep up otherwise. Told me to toughen up a bit, and he'd be back once we were ready to take Misty on. I think he forgot about that part, though. He never showed up. ...Two years, three months, and one day. I still ain't forgotten. That's exactly how long it took until I gave up on waitin'. He'd gone off and reached his dream already. His whole team was evolved and everything, and there I was, still a Charmander all hung up on somebody who'd forgotten all about me.
The kinda stuff I thought back then... it ain't any different from the stuff goin' on in your head. "I never shoulda let him leave me alone. He don't care about me no more. Maybe he never did. I ain't good enough for him. I shouldn'ta been so weak. Maybe I'd deserve him if I'd evolved, too." That kinda thinkin'... it messed me up, Bulba. The whole time I was wild, I was alone. I didn't have nothin' but those thoughts.
[And he kinda laughs, because he doesn't know what else to do. It isn't exactly often that he airs out the rawest, most vulnerable wound he's got, and hell... talking like this, he's probably just gonna scare Bulba into thinking Green's not coming back even more than before.]
...Y'might not think it, Bulba, but you're doin' everything right. You're goin' places. I figured that if I could keep you from gettin' fucked up like me, it'd be okay. I'd do anything if I could keep you from thinkin' those kinds of thoughts, I mean it. But if you're gonna think 'em... they ain't gonna go away. I know that. Hell... sometimes I think maybe he ain't comin' back, too. Bein' alone messes with you, y'know?
So I guess... I guess I'm sayin' it's okay to worry about it. You don't gotta be ashamed about missin' him, and it ain't wrong to get a little scared about it. That stuff happens when your trainer leaves. Just... don't let it screw you up, okay? I know it don't mean shit compared to bein' with Green, but... I ain't goin' nowhere. You ain't with him, but you ain't alone, alright?
teal deer crossing
[So blunt it actually kind of hurts to say it -- a dull impact, like some invisible weight dropping onto him. He falters for a bit, sorely tempted to fall back into his old, avoidant ways. But after a moment, he's talking again, feigning fascination in something over in the window.]
I kept losin' and losin', so Aiden stuck me in the daycare over by Cerulean. I was so far behind the rest of the team that he didn't think I'd keep up otherwise. Told me to toughen up a bit, and he'd be back once we were ready to take Misty on. I think he forgot about that part, though. He never showed up. ...Two years, three months, and one day. I still ain't forgotten. That's exactly how long it took until I gave up on waitin'. He'd gone off and reached his dream already. His whole team was evolved and everything, and there I was, still a Charmander all hung up on somebody who'd forgotten all about me.
The kinda stuff I thought back then... it ain't any different from the stuff goin' on in your head. "I never shoulda let him leave me alone. He don't care about me no more. Maybe he never did. I ain't good enough for him. I shouldn'ta been so weak. Maybe I'd deserve him if I'd evolved, too." That kinda thinkin'... it messed me up, Bulba. The whole time I was wild, I was alone. I didn't have nothin' but those thoughts.
[And he kinda laughs, because he doesn't know what else to do. It isn't exactly often that he airs out the rawest, most vulnerable wound he's got, and hell... talking like this, he's probably just gonna scare Bulba into thinking Green's not coming back even more than before.]
...Y'might not think it, Bulba, but you're doin' everything right. You're goin' places. I figured that if I could keep you from gettin' fucked up like me, it'd be okay. I'd do anything if I could keep you from thinkin' those kinds of thoughts, I mean it. But if you're gonna think 'em... they ain't gonna go away. I know that. Hell... sometimes I think maybe he ain't comin' back, too. Bein' alone messes with you, y'know?
So I guess... I guess I'm sayin' it's okay to worry about it. You don't gotta be ashamed about missin' him, and it ain't wrong to get a little scared about it. That stuff happens when your trainer leaves. Just... don't let it screw you up, okay? I know it don't mean shit compared to bein' with Green, but... I ain't goin' nowhere. You ain't with him, but you ain't alone, alright?